Why do women flake on plans?
Have you ever made plans with a women and then
30 minutes before meeting she sends you a text
saying:
"Totally forgot. I have plans to meet my
grandmother and can't make it"
or
"Seems work has called me in last minute. Can we
reschedule?"
I am pretty sure you have experienced this at
least once in your life.
I can tell you for certain that this woman did
not just "remember" she had plans.
She is flaking.
She is a female flake.
When a woman likes a man there is no way she would
cancel plans on him for something else. AND if she
does cancel she will make certain they have
concrete plans in the future.
...
How do I know?
So have each of my Wing Girls and so have each
of my female friends.
So the question is why do women do this?
Unbeknown to them, women do this because they are
selfish. To avoid their own discomfort they will
be polite and accept an invite with absolutely
no plans of ever following through.
I do want to add in, that this is not malicious
behavior from women.
It is in no way planned or meant to be cruel.
Women are not trying to embarrass you or be mean.
It is simply done to avoid an awkward situation
for her.
It is easier to say yes to an invite or give out
a phone number than to say NO.
At least that is what most women feel and what
felt in the past.
They would much rather avoid the phone or flake
on a date rather than being rude and saying NO
to your face.
...
Again, this is selfish behavior that is based
in female insecurity.
Women don't realize how hurtful these actions
are to another person. They don't realize the
frustration, annoyance and hurt men experience
when they have a woman flake on them.
They think they have avoided being mean and
rude when in fact their actions were actually
more cruel.
Now, I am going to try to my best to teach
the women of the world to be honest and say
what they mean but that is going to take some
time.
Here are some tips on how to protect yourself
against the flakes!
These tips will help you ensure you don't
waste time, money and energy on women that are
not into you.
...
Tip #1 - Don't Get Angry
When a woman texts you 15 minutes before your
date that she "forgot" she has another
obligation understand that this means she is
not into you.
Instead of being angry or hurt about her
flaking, feel sorry for her that she was not
mature enough to be honest.
This will create a calmness in you because you
will realize that this is a type of woman that
is not worthy of being with you.
A woman who cannot speak the truth is not
worthy of your attention nor is she mature
enough to handle you.
If you like you can express back your
disappointment in a mature manner that lets
her know you will not accept this behavior. A
gain, do not be a dick but maturely express
that this behavior of flaking is not cool.
For example write something like:
"Totally understand that things can slip the
mind. In the future it would be best to
check your schedule so that you aware of
your commitments. My time is very valuable
to me and I hope you will respect that in
the future. No hard feelings. Have fun at
your event!"
It's firm, shows you have respect for
yourself and is also soft at the end to let
her know you are still safe.
Hopefully she will learn that her behavior
was not cool and either correct it with you
OR correct it in the future.
Either way a good deed has come out of the
situation.
...
Tip #2 - Don't Leave The House Before
Confirming
To save yourself a drive and possible parking
fee text her before you leave your home about
an hour before you are set to meet.
Say "Running about 10 minutes late. Hope
that is still cool?"
This text gives her the time to take her out
if she wants it. Truth is if a woman is
going to flake she is going to flake but at
least with this move you can save yourself
time, money and energy.
...
Tip #3 - Learn To Spot Signs Of Interest
The possible flake date can be avoided by
being armed with knowing what it looks like
when a woman is interested in you.
I must add that these are not fool signs to
look for because circumstance can play a
role in many interactions.
For example, sobering up.
Some women will only be very available to
you for a single night. Meaning potential
for a one night stand but no date a week
later.
Another example is personal reason.
She may be on the rocks with an ex, she may
be super stressed in her own life, she may
be getting over a break up, she may have
just been up for flirting that evening.
So many reasons exist as to why her
feelings faded after an evening.
Another example is meeting someone else.
Attractive, quality women may meet someone
else that they are more interested in.
Therefore they will now put their energy
into this new guy.
The signs to look for that she is
interested your sexually or for dating are:
- Making eye contact
- Ignoring her friends even if it is a
girls night
- Slightly touching you (too much touch is
a sign of extreme comfort and possible
future friendship)
- Engagement in conversation
- Twirling her hair
- Puckering her lips
- Going to the bathroom all touched up and
looking fresh
Once you ask for the number listen for the
pause. The awkward pause where she debates
whether or not to give you a real number or
fake number.
Most women who want you to call, if they give
you their number have been waiting for this q
uestion to come out of your mouth. Meaning
there should be no pause.
A pause usually translates into possible flake.
These tips will assist you with determining
whether or not a woman will flake on you and
will also assist you when you are dealing with
a flake.
The important thing to remember is that when a
woman is a flake it is a reflection on her.
It shows that she is not confident enough in
herself to give a real honest answer and is
scared to look poorly in someones eyes.
I have learned my lesson about flaking and try
to teach every woman I come in contact with the
importance of being upfront and honest.
Again, I will do my part to stop this from
happening and you can do your part to stop it
from happening to you!
Talk Soon,
KENYAN LAD
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
How To Seduce A Woman Into Bed
Hey,
Step #1: Appeal to her emotions. Put your mind into getting her to
feel the exact emotions that she has got to feel in order to want
to sleep with you.
Step #2: Lead her imagination. Know that you can "plant" ideas in
her mind simply by choosing what you want to SAY to her, and what
she wants to talk to you about.
You'll see that it really all boils down to how you use your
language to appeal to a woman's emotions and get her to imagine
having sex with you. Once you have gotten this thought embedded
into a woman's mind, it's then just a matter of time before she
acts it all out for real.
Do you see how powerful this is?
Use your words wisely, learn to solicit certain answers from her by
asking her the right questions, and you will get the power to get
any woman to feel sexual about you. And guess what... this method
works well with the woman you just met at the bar... or the hot
"friend" you have always wanted to bang.
Step #1: Appeal to her emotions. Put your mind into getting her to
feel the exact emotions that she has got to feel in order to want
to sleep with you.
Step #2: Lead her imagination. Know that you can "plant" ideas in
her mind simply by choosing what you want to SAY to her, and what
she wants to talk to you about.
You'll see that it really all boils down to how you use your
language to appeal to a woman's emotions and get her to imagine
having sex with you. Once you have gotten this thought embedded
into a woman's mind, it's then just a matter of time before she
acts it all out for real.
Do you see how powerful this is?
Use your words wisely, learn to solicit certain answers from her by
asking her the right questions, and you will get the power to get
any woman to feel sexual about you. And guess what... this method
works well with the woman you just met at the bar... or the hot
"friend" you have always wanted to bang.
Monday, February 6, 2012
FINANCIAL INTELLIGENCE
OVER THE WEEKEND I WAS READING A CERTAIN ARTICLE BY WARREN BUFFET ON WHAT DEFINES AN INVESTOR. IT GOT ME TO THINKING OF ALL THE IDEAS THAT HAVE CROSSED MY MIND AND I HAVE NEVER ACTED ON THEM. WELL THATS THE PROBLEM WITH BEING BRILLIANT BECAUSE LIFE REMINDS YOU OF THE HARSH REALITIES SURROUNDING YOUR IDEAS AND SCARED YOU AWAY FROM PURSUING THEM.
Financial intelligence is not how much money you make but how much money you keep and how long it works for you. alot of people do invest but they are not investors. The act of investing does not make you an investor unless you understand what you invested in, how you will make money, how you will exit the investment and how it plays a part in your overall objective of making money work for you.
to be a true investor you need to recognise the need to work with others and gain from their experience and resources, this helps to ease the hustles involved in creating wealth hence saving time and resources. my boss always works with other business men and in that process i have meet some of this country's business men and had the opportunity to work with them. yes i love my job because am given freedom to manage my time and in the process learn and establish relationship i will depend on when am ready to be a true investor. in life you need to look at what has worked for others, seek opinion and discuss amongst people we trust can help you invest and create wealth.
financial literacy is very important and is gained by financial education and experience, just because you dont have a degree or huge salary doesnt mean you cant be a smart investor. adjust to the environment and learn from it, execute when you have your facts right and forecast the outcome according. i dont mean you go and do c.p.a's for financial education but you can learn from others and your employer. most people focus on working hard to make more money just as we were told in school to study harder to improve our grades but i disagree, you need to work smart and use your strengths and avoid your weakness and learn in the process.
INVESTING IS ALL ABOUT PASSION, INTELLIGENT AND BEING HUMBLE. ASK, THINK, SET TARGETS AND SOLVE PROBLEMS ADEQUATELY. WORK SMART FRIENDS
Financial intelligence is not how much money you make but how much money you keep and how long it works for you. alot of people do invest but they are not investors. The act of investing does not make you an investor unless you understand what you invested in, how you will make money, how you will exit the investment and how it plays a part in your overall objective of making money work for you.
to be a true investor you need to recognise the need to work with others and gain from their experience and resources, this helps to ease the hustles involved in creating wealth hence saving time and resources. my boss always works with other business men and in that process i have meet some of this country's business men and had the opportunity to work with them. yes i love my job because am given freedom to manage my time and in the process learn and establish relationship i will depend on when am ready to be a true investor. in life you need to look at what has worked for others, seek opinion and discuss amongst people we trust can help you invest and create wealth.
financial literacy is very important and is gained by financial education and experience, just because you dont have a degree or huge salary doesnt mean you cant be a smart investor. adjust to the environment and learn from it, execute when you have your facts right and forecast the outcome according. i dont mean you go and do c.p.a's for financial education but you can learn from others and your employer. most people focus on working hard to make more money just as we were told in school to study harder to improve our grades but i disagree, you need to work smart and use your strengths and avoid your weakness and learn in the process.
INVESTING IS ALL ABOUT PASSION, INTELLIGENT AND BEING HUMBLE. ASK, THINK, SET TARGETS AND SOLVE PROBLEMS ADEQUATELY. WORK SMART FRIENDS
IS THEIR A GOD?
DRUGS
THIS IS SOMETHING I DON’T LIKE REMEMBERING BUT I ADMIT I WAS A JUNKIE LONG TIME AGO AND I DID IT UNDER EVERYONES NOSE, DRUGS BECOME YOUR FRIEND WHEN YOU ARE CONFUSED ABOUT LIFE, FAMILY AND FRIENDS. I HAVE NEVER HAD A CONSTANT FRIEND SO I WONT BLAME BEING A DRUG ADDICT ON BAD COMPANY. MY MUM FOUND A ROLL UNDER MY PILLOW ONE NIGHT AND FROM THEN I GOT CLEAN FOR HER SAKE. IT WAS A LONG JOURNEY FOR ME PERSONALLY SINCE I DIDN’T WANT THE WHOLE SCHOOL AND MY FRIENDS TO KNOW. BEEN CLEAN FOR 7YEARS WITHOUT A SINGLE URGE, IS THEIR A GOD? YES THERE IS! OVERCAME ADDICTION WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES APART FROM FINANCIALLY AND MEMORY WISE. IN MOMBASA 8 OUT OF 10 DRUG ADDICTS HAVE HIV AIDS OR OTHER RELATED DISEASES. YES, THEIR IS A GOD.
EDUCATION
I WAS BROUGHT UP IN A MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY SO EDUCATION WAS NEVER A PROBLEM. I WENT TO COLLEGE IN NAKURU FOR 3 YEARS AND IN THE FINAL EXAM KNEC DECIDED I WAS A FAILURE. WELL, I DON’T REGRET FAILING AND TO BE SINCERE AM INTERESTED IN EXPERIENCE THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER AND NOT THEORY KNEC HAS TO OFFER. I AM NOT SAYING DON’T STUDY BECAUSE THE PAPERS ARE IMPORTANT IN THE KENYA MARKET BUT I BELIEVE ITS SOMEONES LUCK. IS THEIR A GOD, YES THEIR IS A GOD BECAUSE EVEN WITHOUT THE PROPER CERTIFICATES AM EMPLOYED WITH A GOOD SALARY AND GAINING EXPERIENCE FROM A GOOD MENTOR.
LOVE
ONE AND A HALF YEARS AGO I WAS HEARTBROKEN AND BETRAYED BY SOMEONE I TRUSTED AND TREASURED FOR 4 YEARS. MY FRIENDS APPARENTLY KNEW THAT MY EX WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH SOMEONE ELSE BUT NEVER EVEN GAVE ME A LITTLE HINT. WELL I FORGAVE ALL OF THEM AND MOVED ON LATE LAST YEAR AFTER ABUSING ALCOHOL AND PLAYING WITH LADIES FEELINGS FOR ALMOST A YEAR. IF SOMEONE HAS LEFT YOU THEN KNOW THEY WERE NOT THE ONE FOR YOU. I HAVE RECENTLY ENTERED INTO ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP WISER AND MATURE AND I KNOW I AM FALLING IN LOVE AGAIN. I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES AND THIS TIME I FOUND AN ANGEL, HELL, SHE HAS BEEN TEACHING ME HOW TO PRAY AND I ATTENDED CHURCH LAST SUNDAY AFTER 3 YEARS. AM HOPING AND PRAYING FOR THE BEST. IS THEIR A GOD, YES THEIR IS FOR I HAVE FOUND AND ANGEL.
READ TOMORROW FOR PART TWO
Thursday, November 24, 2011
RANDOM TOPICS
hello readers, i gotta say this week has had ups and downs, cold nights and unpredictable weather.
EDUCATION VS. KNOWLEDGE. i have been doing alot of thinking this recently, first, is education the best investment? well, i got indulge some of my learned friends and colleagues. the debates were very informative and full of drama even more than parliament arguing over stupid scandals. i came to a conclusion that education isn't the best investment but know is! university or a degree doesn't educate someone on how to survive in such economies and generation. one has to deal with frequent inflation, insecurity, government officials asking for bribes, competition and less demand of products and services. real life teachers you how to cope with such pressures and emerging trends. i believe knowledge is the best investment one can make. knowledge can be learned practically and theoritically and put into deserving use. always choose wise the path you take in life using knowledge as a background although education helps you control your destiny too. education is important too.
SUGAR. i am a kenyan and one thing i hate doing at the moment is shopping. inflation and scarcity of essential commodities had rockets their prices to new heights. sugar is damn expensive and i blame it on the goverment. our government for the last one year has been making and implementing bad policies without doing its research well. they blocked the importation of duty free sugar thus causing chaos in the market. their arguement is that we need to support local sugar manufacturers who cant even supply the demand. do something parliament before you kill some of us.
SEX. their is a new trend thats going around that people prefer having casual sex and avoiding relationships. they say that rships have alot of pressure and hustles and pockets/bank accounts get hurt in the process. i kinda agree with these sentiments but am also a firm believer in true love. their is that one special person for you out their. courting a lady has become expensive and most of us have no jobs/source of income to facilitate courtship. no wonder married men are giving us a hard time with our young ladies who prefer not to work, live lavishly and get their degrees with hustles. they think when the time comes for marriage they will find us here waiting for them but they are mistaken, most of us will also date the younger ladies. what goes around comes around dear ladies. young guys are trying really hard to live up to the expectations but they need encouragement and support which is rare. i guess we have to embrace the new trend of having sex without strings attached then.
SOCIAL NETWORKS. they are apart of our lives and we must embrace them though to much of everything is dangerous. be careful who you meet and who you open up to, afterall big brother is recording.
EDUCATION VS. KNOWLEDGE. i have been doing alot of thinking this recently, first, is education the best investment? well, i got indulge some of my learned friends and colleagues. the debates were very informative and full of drama even more than parliament arguing over stupid scandals. i came to a conclusion that education isn't the best investment but know is! university or a degree doesn't educate someone on how to survive in such economies and generation. one has to deal with frequent inflation, insecurity, government officials asking for bribes, competition and less demand of products and services. real life teachers you how to cope with such pressures and emerging trends. i believe knowledge is the best investment one can make. knowledge can be learned practically and theoritically and put into deserving use. always choose wise the path you take in life using knowledge as a background although education helps you control your destiny too. education is important too.
SUGAR. i am a kenyan and one thing i hate doing at the moment is shopping. inflation and scarcity of essential commodities had rockets their prices to new heights. sugar is damn expensive and i blame it on the goverment. our government for the last one year has been making and implementing bad policies without doing its research well. they blocked the importation of duty free sugar thus causing chaos in the market. their arguement is that we need to support local sugar manufacturers who cant even supply the demand. do something parliament before you kill some of us.
SEX. their is a new trend thats going around that people prefer having casual sex and avoiding relationships. they say that rships have alot of pressure and hustles and pockets/bank accounts get hurt in the process. i kinda agree with these sentiments but am also a firm believer in true love. their is that one special person for you out their. courting a lady has become expensive and most of us have no jobs/source of income to facilitate courtship. no wonder married men are giving us a hard time with our young ladies who prefer not to work, live lavishly and get their degrees with hustles. they think when the time comes for marriage they will find us here waiting for them but they are mistaken, most of us will also date the younger ladies. what goes around comes around dear ladies. young guys are trying really hard to live up to the expectations but they need encouragement and support which is rare. i guess we have to embrace the new trend of having sex without strings attached then.
SOCIAL NETWORKS. they are apart of our lives and we must embrace them though to much of everything is dangerous. be careful who you meet and who you open up to, afterall big brother is recording.
Monday, November 21, 2011
5 Financial Mistakes That Ruin Your Marriage
There is always some truth in a joke and looking back on this saying as an adult, it is obvious that he was steering me toward what he hoped was a happy life rather than a life of what he perceived would be a struggle. He is old fashioned and didn't think that a girl could create her own financial security (that is fodder for another blog) but his intentions were good.
Money and marriage is an age old problem. However, during good or bad economic times some things never change — couples are still fighting about money. In many cases, they are the very same things couples were fighting about 25 years ago. According to research as well as my own experience working with couples and money, here are the top five money conflicts that lead to marital strife and ultimately divorce.
Materialism — valuing "things" or money over the relationship. Research on marriage has shown that couples who are materialistic rate at the bottom of the happiness scale. A recent study by BYU and William Jefferson University found that spouses who were BOTH materialistic were worse off on nearly every relationship measure they looked at. It wasn't the lack of money that was the culprit; the authors found that it was materialism itself that created much of the difficulty even when couples had plenty of money.
I saw this firsthand with a former client of mine named Yolanda who unknowingly fell into the materialism trap and nearly destroyed her marriage because of it. She is a first generation American with immigrant parents from Guatemala. She had a misguided notion in her head that if she had a beautiful home nicely decorated with a formal dining room and a landscaped yard for her family to live in then she would be happy. It was almost as if she had a picture of the American Dream and she had to step into that picture and become that person to be happy.
She insisted her husband buy a home they could barely afford along with Ethan Allen furniture and a landscaped backyard — going into debt to do it. This may not seem like materialism because we are not talking diamonds and furs here. We are talking about a dining room table but none-the-less, her focus was on accumulating things instead of on her marriage and family. Fortunately for her, this story doesn't end tragically. When her mother passed away, something triggered in her that completely changed her outlook on her values. She got a much needed wake-up call about what was really important in life before it was too late.
Having conflicting money values. Now I don't know about you but if I was married to someone who gambled away money I'd have a really hard time with that. I see gambling as foolish (unless you are good enough to get into the World Series of Poker.) Foolishly spending money is the number one financial cause for divorce. According to Jeffrey Dew's paper titled Bank on it: Thrifty Couples are the Happiest, when a spouse feels the other spends their money foolishly, it increases the likelihood of divorce by 45%. What caught my attention in the report was the word "feeling." The researchers tell us that perceptions of how well one's spouse handles money play a role in shaping the quality and stability of family life in the U.S.
It isn't just about gambling either. A former client of mine, I'll call her Sandy, was married to someone who was incredibly frugal. Her husband used to check what she paid for groceries and compare them to the weekly ads to see if she got the best price. He actually would be angry and chastise Sandy because she paid too much for a block of cheese saying, "You could have gotten this cheaper at Safeway." He actually wanted her to go to two different stores to shop (even though she worked full time and they had two little boys.) Their marriage ended in divorce and not because she was a gambler by any means but because he perceived her spending as foolish.
The answer here is for couples to come together and decide on how to spend their money. Coming up with jointly held values obviously involves some give and take. If you like to buy lottery tickets, which your spouse sees as frivolous but you feel, "you can't win if you don't play," then jointly decide on a spending limit that you can agree on.
Adopting traditional roles when they don't fit. The commonly held belief that men should handle the financial planning and investments in the family and the women should take care of the day-to-day finances may not fit every couple. In fact, in my household, my husband manages the cash flow — he can be very detail oriented, which is painfully obvious when he is talking baseball with his buddies. It is amazing to me that he knows the batting average of players who retired 5 years ago! He is much better with our cash flow and I am more suited for our strategic financial planning. This is not simply because I have a financial background, but studies on the human brain have shown women to be hard wired to multi-task and those skills cross over to strategic planning. In our case, we switched roles and it works beautifully.
The key is to find the right person for the right role based on aptitude not gender.
Having opposing money styles. It is not uncommon to see financial opposites attract one another. Couples often have mismatched money styles — one is a spender while the other is a saver. Instead of having them work against each other, causing fights and tension, successful couples don't try to change each other. They adapt their money styles to work for both of them. In a previous blog, I mentioned how a newlywed couple set up a plan that made the most of their opposite tendencies. Paula loves her husband's sense of adventure and fun but on the flip-side he spends every dime he has doing it. He loves her stability and discipline since it balances his free and relaxed nature but he is always asking her for money and wanting to tap into her savings. There is tension and resentment on each side.
We came up with a plan that takes their natural money styles into account so they can work together toward common goals and they both contribute financially. The plan is — the spender spends and the saver saves. He is in charge of the short term emergency savings and unexpected expenses that come up. He doesn't feel concerned when he has to tap into the emergency fund and since he is saving monthly, it gets replenished regularly with automatic transfers from checking to savings. She is in charge of long term goals — retirement, saving for a down payment for a house and saving for annual vacations. She hates to part with their hard earned savings so she is best suited for the big goals that take more discipline in achieving.
The key here is instead of judging each other and essentially working against each other, row in the same direction.
Magical thinking — getting results without a plan. One of the most undervalued yet important reasons to work with a financial planner is to force couples to develop a plan together and, at minimum, review it annually. Some people have some of the individual pieces of their finances in order but having a plan puts the pieces together. Couples who don't have a plan don't have a chance of meeting their goals.
The do-it-yourselfer can do the same thing, of course, but it takes a little more discipline. Either way, developing a financial plan gets couples moving in the same direction toward goals they have developed together. Over the course of my 25 years as a financial planner, I've seen a significant difference with couples meeting their goals — being able to retire, touring Europe, investing in vacation properties, etc because they planned, reviewed their plans annually and worked as a team.
Couples who improve their attitudes about money and their communication can truly have it all. Since finances are the biggest cause of stress (a 2010 APA study found that 76% of Americans see money as a source of stress in their lives) and stress is a major cause of disease, improving financial literacy also has the added benefit of improving your health. Keeping your values in the right place and improving finances can actually bring health, wealth and happiness. What more can we ask for?
Materialism — valuing "things" or money over the relationship. Research on marriage has shown that couples who are materialistic rate at the bottom of the happiness scale. A recent study by BYU and William Jefferson University found that spouses who were BOTH materialistic were worse off on nearly every relationship measure they looked at. It wasn't the lack of money that was the culprit; the authors found that it was materialism itself that created much of the difficulty even when couples had plenty of money.
I saw this firsthand with a former client of mine named Yolanda who unknowingly fell into the materialism trap and nearly destroyed her marriage because of it. She is a first generation American with immigrant parents from Guatemala. She had a misguided notion in her head that if she had a beautiful home nicely decorated with a formal dining room and a landscaped yard for her family to live in then she would be happy. It was almost as if she had a picture of the American Dream and she had to step into that picture and become that person to be happy.
She insisted her husband buy a home they could barely afford along with Ethan Allen furniture and a landscaped backyard — going into debt to do it. This may not seem like materialism because we are not talking diamonds and furs here. We are talking about a dining room table but none-the-less, her focus was on accumulating things instead of on her marriage and family. Fortunately for her, this story doesn't end tragically. When her mother passed away, something triggered in her that completely changed her outlook on her values. She got a much needed wake-up call about what was really important in life before it was too late.
Having conflicting money values. Now I don't know about you but if I was married to someone who gambled away money I'd have a really hard time with that. I see gambling as foolish (unless you are good enough to get into the World Series of Poker.) Foolishly spending money is the number one financial cause for divorce. According to Jeffrey Dew's paper titled Bank on it: Thrifty Couples are the Happiest, when a spouse feels the other spends their money foolishly, it increases the likelihood of divorce by 45%. What caught my attention in the report was the word "feeling." The researchers tell us that perceptions of how well one's spouse handles money play a role in shaping the quality and stability of family life in the U.S.
It isn't just about gambling either. A former client of mine, I'll call her Sandy, was married to someone who was incredibly frugal. Her husband used to check what she paid for groceries and compare them to the weekly ads to see if she got the best price. He actually would be angry and chastise Sandy because she paid too much for a block of cheese saying, "You could have gotten this cheaper at Safeway." He actually wanted her to go to two different stores to shop (even though she worked full time and they had two little boys.) Their marriage ended in divorce and not because she was a gambler by any means but because he perceived her spending as foolish.
The answer here is for couples to come together and decide on how to spend their money. Coming up with jointly held values obviously involves some give and take. If you like to buy lottery tickets, which your spouse sees as frivolous but you feel, "you can't win if you don't play," then jointly decide on a spending limit that you can agree on.
Adopting traditional roles when they don't fit. The commonly held belief that men should handle the financial planning and investments in the family and the women should take care of the day-to-day finances may not fit every couple. In fact, in my household, my husband manages the cash flow — he can be very detail oriented, which is painfully obvious when he is talking baseball with his buddies. It is amazing to me that he knows the batting average of players who retired 5 years ago! He is much better with our cash flow and I am more suited for our strategic financial planning. This is not simply because I have a financial background, but studies on the human brain have shown women to be hard wired to multi-task and those skills cross over to strategic planning. In our case, we switched roles and it works beautifully.
The key is to find the right person for the right role based on aptitude not gender.
Having opposing money styles. It is not uncommon to see financial opposites attract one another. Couples often have mismatched money styles — one is a spender while the other is a saver. Instead of having them work against each other, causing fights and tension, successful couples don't try to change each other. They adapt their money styles to work for both of them. In a previous blog, I mentioned how a newlywed couple set up a plan that made the most of their opposite tendencies. Paula loves her husband's sense of adventure and fun but on the flip-side he spends every dime he has doing it. He loves her stability and discipline since it balances his free and relaxed nature but he is always asking her for money and wanting to tap into her savings. There is tension and resentment on each side.
We came up with a plan that takes their natural money styles into account so they can work together toward common goals and they both contribute financially. The plan is — the spender spends and the saver saves. He is in charge of the short term emergency savings and unexpected expenses that come up. He doesn't feel concerned when he has to tap into the emergency fund and since he is saving monthly, it gets replenished regularly with automatic transfers from checking to savings. She is in charge of long term goals — retirement, saving for a down payment for a house and saving for annual vacations. She hates to part with their hard earned savings so she is best suited for the big goals that take more discipline in achieving.
The key here is instead of judging each other and essentially working against each other, row in the same direction.
Magical thinking — getting results without a plan. One of the most undervalued yet important reasons to work with a financial planner is to force couples to develop a plan together and, at minimum, review it annually. Some people have some of the individual pieces of their finances in order but having a plan puts the pieces together. Couples who don't have a plan don't have a chance of meeting their goals.
The do-it-yourselfer can do the same thing, of course, but it takes a little more discipline. Either way, developing a financial plan gets couples moving in the same direction toward goals they have developed together. Over the course of my 25 years as a financial planner, I've seen a significant difference with couples meeting their goals — being able to retire, touring Europe, investing in vacation properties, etc because they planned, reviewed their plans annually and worked as a team.
Couples who improve their attitudes about money and their communication can truly have it all. Since finances are the biggest cause of stress (a 2010 APA study found that 76% of Americans see money as a source of stress in their lives) and stress is a major cause of disease, improving financial literacy also has the added benefit of improving your health. Keeping your values in the right place and improving finances can actually bring health, wealth and happiness. What more can we ask for?
Sunday, November 13, 2011
6 Ways to FOREVER Banish the "Let's Just be Friends" Speech
So what is the answer to one of the most commonly
asked question in dating ever since the beginning
of time:
How do I turn a friend in to a lover?
Simple.
It's all a matter of know when when and how to
play your cards right with your target of choice.
These are my 6-steps to get you out of the friend
zone and get women sexually interested in you...
.
1. Limit your availability.
I'm willing to bet that whenever this girl does
call you, you eagerly answer the phone and chat
with her for as long as she wants.
You THINK that when you spend two hours on the
phone with her, sharing your life stories and
telling her about the girl who broke your heart
when you were in the tenth grade, you're building
some kind of deep "connection" with her.
But what you're actually doing is removing ANY
sense of mystery about yourself, and letting her
know that you have nothing else going in your l
ife... and no other women.
This is massively UN-attractive to her.
(I know that when you're a man who is struggling
with his dating life, and haven't hooked up with
a chick in a while, this takes a LOT of
discipline.
Your instinct is to make yourself totally
available to her and try to spend as much time
as possible with her. Well, go ahead and keep
doing it this way, if you want to keep wondering
why women keep placing you in the friend zone...)
.
2. Until you've slept with a woman, limit your
phone chats with her to five minutes.
And don't get caught up in constant text-messaging.
Give her the sense that you're a busy man with
places to be.
Use these short phone calls, or text exchanges,
to lock down your plans to see her again.
Save the deep conversations for when you are
actually spending time with her.
.
3. Women are moody and emotional.
Get used to it, and know how to deal with it.
When she start acting weird or distant, she is
testing you.
She wants to see how you will respond.
Do you kiss her ass and ask her "what's wrong?"
Do you get frustrated and angered by her
behavior?
(Either of these responses will only make her
get more moody!)
Or, do you behave like a firm, direct MAN?
(Tell her, "Well, I can tell you've got some
things on your mind right now, so why don't you
take some time to sort it out and get back to
me.
I've got some things I need to handle right
now.")
.
4. Her ex-boyfriend is irrelevant.
Women commonly use the excuse:
"I got out of a bad relationship recently, I
don't know if I'm ready for someone new, I
don't want to get hurt again," etc.
It's all crap, basically.
The truth is, if she met a confident,
attractive man RIGHT NOW who made her feel a
sexual connection, she'd forget about her
ex-boyfriend in about 2.3 seconds.
When she talks about her ex, and how she's
"not ready," what she really means is that
you're not making her feel attraction, and
so she's testing you to see what kind of man
you are.
You need to put her in a positive, fun state
of mind and keep her there. When she thinks
of you, she should think of fun times and
feeling good about herself.
The last thing you want to do is allow her
to dwell on her ex-boyfriend and be her
"shoulder to cry on."
If she ever mentions him, change the
subject.
And never refer to him by name because it
only aggravates her emotional state.
(Instead, refer to him as "that guy." Make
him seem irrelevant and insignificant.)
HER: "I guess I'm just in a bad mood today
because it would have been my third
anniversary with my ex, John..."
YOU: "Well it sounds like that guy didn't
appreciate you the way he should have, and
it's his loss.
I'm just glad we're getting to
know each other, because I can tell there's
a lot more to you than meets the eye.
So tell me more about ________"
(Change the subject onto something that gets
her in a positive, talkative mood).
.
5. Never confess your attraction to her.
Women interpret this as a sign of weakness.
You've been taught by the media that woman
want a soft, sensitive guy who isn't afraid to
confess his feelings.
Actually, the opposite is true.
She needs to know you are a strong, emotionally
secure and confident MAN.
Once you've got a sexual relationship going
with her, and she's bonded to you, feel free to
be a sweet, loving boyfriend and do all of the
romantic things that drive her wild.
But until then, you've got to play it cool.
.
6. Finally, be willing to "man up" and walk away.
If for whatever reason she just can't sort out
her feelings, cut her loose.
Trust me, if you were involved with two or three
OTHER women right now, you wouldn't have the
time or the interest to play games with some
chick who can't make up her mind.
When you have multiple options, you will ALWAYS
feel confident and in control.
Don't make the mistake that most guys make, and
place "all of your eggs in one basket."
This is also one of the biggest mistakes guys make
when they want to turn a friend into something more.
They focus too much on that one girl.
Once a woman has mentally placed you in "The
Friend Zone," it's difficult to change her
feelings towards you.
Ideally, you never want to her to view you as
her platonic, non-sexual "buddy" in the first
place.
This is why when you do meet up with women for a
date, you've got to take things in a sexual
direction.
This doesn't mean you have to sleep with women
on the first date.
But you MUST establish some physical contact and
make her feel that you're a sexual possibility
for her.
That's the difference between guys who always
suffer in the "Friend Zone," and guys who GET IT
DONE.
If you're constantly pulling your hair out trying
to figure out how to get that ONE SPECIAL GIRL
you've always fantasized about (but she ONLY
treats you as a friend/brother and NOTHING else),
go to this site to learn how to CHANGE HER MIND
and turn the tables IMMEDIATELY:
asked question in dating ever since the beginning
of time:
How do I turn a friend in to a lover?
Simple.
It's all a matter of know when when and how to
play your cards right with your target of choice.
These are my 6-steps to get you out of the friend
zone and get women sexually interested in you...
.
1. Limit your availability.
I'm willing to bet that whenever this girl does
call you, you eagerly answer the phone and chat
with her for as long as she wants.
You THINK that when you spend two hours on the
phone with her, sharing your life stories and
telling her about the girl who broke your heart
when you were in the tenth grade, you're building
some kind of deep "connection" with her.
But what you're actually doing is removing ANY
sense of mystery about yourself, and letting her
know that you have nothing else going in your l
ife... and no other women.
This is massively UN-attractive to her.
(I know that when you're a man who is struggling
with his dating life, and haven't hooked up with
a chick in a while, this takes a LOT of
discipline.
Your instinct is to make yourself totally
available to her and try to spend as much time
as possible with her. Well, go ahead and keep
doing it this way, if you want to keep wondering
why women keep placing you in the friend zone...)
.
2. Until you've slept with a woman, limit your
phone chats with her to five minutes.
And don't get caught up in constant text-messaging.
Give her the sense that you're a busy man with
places to be.
Use these short phone calls, or text exchanges,
to lock down your plans to see her again.
Save the deep conversations for when you are
actually spending time with her.
.
3. Women are moody and emotional.
Get used to it, and know how to deal with it.
When she start acting weird or distant, she is
testing you.
She wants to see how you will respond.
Do you kiss her ass and ask her "what's wrong?"
Do you get frustrated and angered by her
behavior?
(Either of these responses will only make her
get more moody!)
Or, do you behave like a firm, direct MAN?
(Tell her, "Well, I can tell you've got some
things on your mind right now, so why don't you
take some time to sort it out and get back to
me.
I've got some things I need to handle right
now.")
.
4. Her ex-boyfriend is irrelevant.
Women commonly use the excuse:
"I got out of a bad relationship recently, I
don't know if I'm ready for someone new, I
don't want to get hurt again," etc.
It's all crap, basically.
The truth is, if she met a confident,
attractive man RIGHT NOW who made her feel a
sexual connection, she'd forget about her
ex-boyfriend in about 2.3 seconds.
When she talks about her ex, and how she's
"not ready," what she really means is that
you're not making her feel attraction, and
so she's testing you to see what kind of man
you are.
You need to put her in a positive, fun state
of mind and keep her there. When she thinks
of you, she should think of fun times and
feeling good about herself.
The last thing you want to do is allow her
to dwell on her ex-boyfriend and be her
"shoulder to cry on."
If she ever mentions him, change the
subject.
And never refer to him by name because it
only aggravates her emotional state.
(Instead, refer to him as "that guy." Make
him seem irrelevant and insignificant.)
HER: "I guess I'm just in a bad mood today
because it would have been my third
anniversary with my ex, John..."
YOU: "Well it sounds like that guy didn't
appreciate you the way he should have, and
it's his loss.
I'm just glad we're getting to
know each other, because I can tell there's
a lot more to you than meets the eye.
So tell me more about ________"
(Change the subject onto something that gets
her in a positive, talkative mood).
.
5. Never confess your attraction to her.
Women interpret this as a sign of weakness.
You've been taught by the media that woman
want a soft, sensitive guy who isn't afraid to
confess his feelings.
Actually, the opposite is true.
She needs to know you are a strong, emotionally
secure and confident MAN.
Once you've got a sexual relationship going
with her, and she's bonded to you, feel free to
be a sweet, loving boyfriend and do all of the
romantic things that drive her wild.
But until then, you've got to play it cool.
.
6. Finally, be willing to "man up" and walk away.
If for whatever reason she just can't sort out
her feelings, cut her loose.
Trust me, if you were involved with two or three
OTHER women right now, you wouldn't have the
time or the interest to play games with some
chick who can't make up her mind.
When you have multiple options, you will ALWAYS
feel confident and in control.
Don't make the mistake that most guys make, and
place "all of your eggs in one basket."
This is also one of the biggest mistakes guys make
when they want to turn a friend into something more.
They focus too much on that one girl.
Once a woman has mentally placed you in "The
Friend Zone," it's difficult to change her
feelings towards you.
Ideally, you never want to her to view you as
her platonic, non-sexual "buddy" in the first
place.
This is why when you do meet up with women for a
date, you've got to take things in a sexual
direction.
This doesn't mean you have to sleep with women
on the first date.
But you MUST establish some physical contact and
make her feel that you're a sexual possibility
for her.
That's the difference between guys who always
suffer in the "Friend Zone," and guys who GET IT
DONE.
If you're constantly pulling your hair out trying
to figure out how to get that ONE SPECIAL GIRL
you've always fantasized about (but she ONLY
treats you as a friend/brother and NOTHING else),
go to this site to learn how to CHANGE HER MIND
and turn the tables IMMEDIATELY:
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